Dear diary,

I really, really, REALLY, do not feel like writing right now; however, I feel I have no choice. The situation I'm in needs to be sorted out and explained once and for all to both myself and Lizeth. I have chosen here, a public realm, for this sorting out to occur because it will lead to a more peaceful resolution.

Pros and Cons of girlfriend:

Pro:
Not alone during life
Support in emotional crisis
Someone to talk to
Someone who understands me(?)
A person to share things with
Someone to love
Someone who you can depend on
Someone who helps you

Con:
Always wants to be together, every minute, every day... no matter what.
Possessive and jealous - No private life any more.
Intrusive - Does not observe boundaries, or refuses to follow them
Suspicious - Believes things which aren't true until met with 100% undeniable proof that they are false... and then still suspects they are true.
Untrusting - No faith in my fidelity
DOES NOT SPEAK ENGLISH AS A FIRST LANGUAGE - Misunderstandings and miss-communication happen and result in fights. Some are resolved, some are not.

Time-line:

2005 - I start dating Emi
June 2006 - I move from Houston to California, long distance relationship with Emi begins
August 2006 - I move to Bethlehem, PA to attend college in Lehigh University
May 2007 - I leave Lehigh after completely failing.
August 2007 - Fall semester begins at HCC, I enroll
September 2007 - Relationship with Emi ends. I write Memoirs.
December 2007 - HCC Fall semester ends, one class Withdrawn. All others 'A.'
January 2008 - Enrolled in UH Spring Semester under BCHS (biochemistry major). Single.
April 2008 - Meet Emma Foster, suggest relationship. Says no, stays friends.
May 2008 - School ends, I move in with Shane, Eric, and Huy. Begin working with Inka Coffee Co. I write about Emi in diary as part of a therapeutic process to let go.
June 14th 2008 - Begin dating Lizeth
June 29th 2008 - Emma Foster comes back to Houston. Wants a relationship, but finds me taken. Emma has revenge sex with Eric, my roommate. Prompts infamous 2:25AM phone call.
August 2008 - Inka Coffee Co. closes its doors, no more job. Therapy to let go of Emi is done, I have let go at last.
September 2008 - Begin selling Football Jerseys for money, Hurricane IKE hits Houston. Evicted from Appt. Move in with Roger Shen.
October 2008 - Start working at Fuddruckers.
November 2008 - After a conversation with therapist, I recap what's happened since High School... decide the format to do it is here on DA because of the long period of time since a meaningful update. Stop working at Fuddruckers.
December 2008 - Job offer comes from Kansas, awaits approval from Ed - CFO for Kansas City Southern railroad company.
January 9, 2009 - Job offer finalized, approved, and accepted by me. To move on Feb 1. Discuss potential for long distance relationship with Lizeth.
January 23, 2009 - Lizeth searches through my computer because of suspicions that I still am in love with Emi. Finds memoirs. Long fight ensues.
January 27, 2009 @ 4:00PM - Bobby Jones (locksmith) requests emergency help with large project. Matthew and I go help.
January 27, 2009 @ 8:30PM - Project complete, to be paid tomorrow. I go home. Discover upon reaching home that new ADHD medication has been left at Bobby's house.
January 27, 2009 @ 8:45PM - I get home and fall asleep. Phone on silent to promote better sleep.
January 28th, 2009 @ 8:02AM - I wake up. 23 Missed calls from Lizeth ALONE and 22 text messages. I read them all.
January 28th, 2009 @ 8:10AM - I have eaten breakfast and begin writing this time line.

You wanted an explanation for what happened, there you go. There's a time line dating back to 2005 and ending with this morning which includes all the details relevant to your concerns. There is also an ordered list of the things I do not enjoy about your personality for your convenience. In the event that our relationship should end over your overly attached nature and my need to sleep (so that when I get to Kansas, I'm not TOTALLY FUCKED), this list may help you in the future.

I do not want to talk to, or see you, today. I honestly can't believe you. After all the talk you do of "I support so much from you," and, "I shouldn't have to do it," you think nothing of the things that **I** have to endure and support from YOU. The list is just as long if not longer than what you tell me on a constant basis. Maybe I'll see you before I leave for Kansas, and maybe not.

Despite how everything above may sound, I'm still in love with you... even if I'm upset at the last couple of days.

You can respond by commenting here, or by sending me a text message. Do not expect me to answer either. Any phone calls will be met with blatant denial. Give me space and some time to cool down.

Much love,
Justin